


Love Inspector Lewandowski

by kopfkino



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 14:19:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4880107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kopfkino/pseuds/kopfkino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert Lewandowski is the brand new player at Bayern, fresh new start with fresh new team-mates. However once he gets there, he starts noticing suspicious behaviour in them... It's as if they're all hiding something from him, more like... if they're hiding relationships from him...</p><p>Nothing gets away from Robert. He's getting to the bottom of it.<br/>And he's totally dragging Wojciech with him, even if he's at Arsenal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Inspector Lewandowski

"Welcome to Bayern!" A cheery Thomas Müller waves. 

"Thanks." Robert replies. They're all getting ready to practice, including legend Philipp Lahm, Arjen Robben, Frank Ribéry, Thiago, Manuel Neuer...

Everyone he used to want to beat in the past had now become his allies. 

He catches a glimpse of Mario. Finally a friend! Mario had left Dortmund a year before and he was the closest thing he had a confident there. He hurries next to him.

"So, any heads up I should be aware?"

"Pep loves passing the ball, so don't do anything but pass it, okay? Well, maybe shoot and score goals!" 

Robert turns to the coach who is screaming at Bastian on the top of his lungs to go faster. 

"Food is great, I can show you whe-"

"An entire year and you still only think about food, I shouldn't be surprised!" 

Mario rolls his eyes, as he gives him a pass with the ball.

After a couple of exercises, he continues:

"What about Schweinsteiger, Müller and Neuer?" 

"What about them?"

"Are they friendly?" 

"They're actually the biggest dorks ever, you'll see. They accepted me pretty fast, I'm sure it'll be the same for you."

They're not even done when they hear Bastian screaming across the pitch:

"TONIGHT THERE'S A PARTY AT MY PLACE, TO WELCOME THE NEW SIGNINGS!" 

Robert turns around to find a young Juan Bernat, Pepe Reina and Xavi Alonso nodding. 

"See?"

He smiles as they continue the training. 

 

Right before he enters the door, his phone rings. He takes it out and smiles at the SMS alert from Woj.

_Hey baby, I hope you're having a great first day at Bayern, I can't wait to Skype you..._

_xoxo W._

He wishes he could be with him more often, he's incredibly lucky to have him in his life, especially as close as they are. He's considered going to Arsenal, but they both agreed it's best if they take the best offer they could get. And he still gets to see him during international break. He loves being Polish.

He goes inside and can't really explain what he's seeing. Thomas is in the middle of the dance floor with Juan showing him some sort of strange Bavarian move, while Manuel is sitting at the table with Philipp, with... is that Nutella? 

Robert shakes his head before he loses Mario. 

He feels a pat on his back. It's Bastian.

"Hey, Robert! It's nice to have you here!"

He figures he's had a bit to drink already, as he's really smiley, and offers him a beer. 

"Thanks!" 

He tries to find Mario, but it's hopeless. There are more people than he had expected. He stumbles upon Arjen, who seems to be bored out of his mind.

"It's such an honor!" Robert starts. 

"Oh, Lewandowski, welcome at Bayern." He starts.

"Thank you! It's quite something!" 

"You'll get used to it... Wait until Oktoberfest!"

Robert laughs. His dad would be so proud of where he is. It bumps him he can't see everything he's achieved, but that's life. His attention is distracted by Mario, who seems to be sitting on the edge of a table, quite away from the crowd. 

 

"I thought you said they liked you." He teases when he gets there.

Mario turns and blushes. "Sorry, I was just texting..."

Robert raises an eyebrow, he's never seen him like that.

"Have you had too many beers?"

Mario ignores him completely. He goes back to his phone as if Robert hadn't said a word. 

"Mario?"

"Sorry Lewy, if you're bored, go find Thomas, he's always doing something weird, I'm busy with these special texts."

He gets up and locks himself in the bathroom, leaving Robert with eyes wide open in shock.

 

"I just don't get why he just ignored me!" 

Robert complains as he takes his shirt off in front of the computer. 

"Well maybe it was important, you don't know who he was talking to, when I'm texting you during training breaks or stuff, Mesut always teases me." Woj tries to justify from the computer. 

A thought hits Robert. He jumps back to he camera.

"Oh my god, do you think he's got a love interest? like a boyfriend?"

"Well, I didn't say that... but..."

"It can't be something else, he was blushing like an idiot, and he said _special._ "

"Awwwwww Mario's in love." 

Woj laughs, but Robert already has the next thought. 

"Who could it be? Why don't I know about this?" 

"Obviously someone not at Bayern... Everyone was at the party."

"It's not someone at BVB, or I'd know." Robert analyses. 

"The German National team? Maybe something happened at the world cup this summer."

Robert thinks hard... an idea pops in his head.

"Schürrle."

"Schürrle?" 

"Didn't you watch their games? they were most of the time together!"

"Mario did have Marco's T-shirt when they won though... isn't that suspicious?" 

But Robert isn't listening anymore. "You're a genious Woj! That's why I love you!"

"I love you too, now, tell me, when are you coming to England...?"

 

The next day, Robert figures he has to figure out what's up with Mario. It's hard though, he's the only friend he has there. 

He needs a person who spends most of his time with Mario... He'd know for sure. His eyes sparkle on David Alaba. He wasn't at the party last night, surprisingly. 

Pep orders them to rally and find a partner, and Robert takes his chance. He makes sure he's next to David and before Mario can say a word, the coach has already put them together. 

"Hi, I'm Robert!" He tries.

David has a huge grin. "Yeah, I know who you are, nice to have you on our side now!" 

"Agreed!" 

Robert does his best to break the ice, and it seems to work, as David seems to tell him a lot about their team-mates.

"Don't ever ask Thomas to be serious. It's a waste of time."

He nods. 

"And don't mess with Manuel's Nutella, he only lets Philipp do that and it took him forever to agree."

He repeats and nods again.

"What about Mario?" He innocently asks. 

"Don't you know Mario?" A confused David replies.

"I do, but what if he's changed in this past year? I mean... has ... eh, what are his hobbies?" 

David raises an eyebrow. "Eating." 

Robert bursts out laughing with him. "Some things never change." 

"Yeah, anyway, Philipp likes us to be early at training so don't......"

As David goes on and on about their team, he curses mentally. He's not going anywhere.

 

It's time to wash up, they head for the showers, in the locker rooms. He catches a glimpse of Mario checking his phone and smiling like an idiot. He's definitely crushing on someone. He approaches him and winks. 

Here's his chance, Robert's got a lot of confidence, and he can pull off in moments like these. He gives him a wide suggestive smile.

"So, you didn't tell me you've got a thing going on..."

But to his surprise, he doesn't even turn around. "Huh?"

"You know, that ...  _guy_... you keep texting." Robert tries again. 

Mario raises an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?" 

"Well you're always on your phone, you didn't do that at Dortmund."

"Don't be so loud about it!" 

"What?"

"Plus, didn't he tell you about it already?"

Robert's jaw drops. Mario puts a towel around his neck and shrugs. He goes in the shower leaving Robert on his own.

He feels like an idiot, and he can't help it. He turns around and decides to look through his stuff. 

The phone in his hand, he tries to unlock it, but he doesn't know his password. 

"Damn Iphones." 

He's paranoid someone might walk in on him, so he puts it down. The moment he drops it, the phone rings with a notification. Robert checks it again and can't believe his eyes. 

It's a Whatsapp message from _Pumpkin Pie <3_

The preview says something like  _Shower well ;-) If you're lonely I can always fly th...._

Robert closes the bag and throws it back where it was. 

 

"Pumpkin Pie?" 

Woj can't stop laughing, as Robert is turning around in circles. 

"I can't say I'm surprised." Woj admits. 

"He said he thought I knew." 

"So that means he's a friend of yours. Guess that rules out Schürrle." 

"Who can it be?" He whines. What was at first a mere curiosity had become into a matter of life or death. 

"I keep insisting he had Marco's jersey when the they won the World Cup couldn't it be..."

"Don't be ridiculous, it can't be Marco, he would have told me, I'm sure."

"Well who else then?" 

"Maybe... Mats?"

"You're rulling out Marco but not Mats?" 

"I can't think of anybody else!"

Woj sighs as Robert starts babbling. 

"Tomorrow I'll confront him about it."

"I say we should keep.."

"I can't believe Hummels never told me. He'll pay next Klassiker." 

"That's mean of you! You're an amazing striker."

Robert raises an eyebrow at the computer. 

"Why, thank you. I'm sure you're dying Arsenal draws Bayern at the champions league..."

Woj rolls his eyes, Robert can really push it.

"I prefer International Break, when you're on my side."

"I do too, and we can share bedrooms..." He winks.

"Robert!"

 

He's barely slept thinking of a plan to make Mario speak. The idea of Mats and Mario is eating his soul. He needs to confirm it. Woj suggested he should just ask, but doesn't think it'll work. If it was that easy, he would already know. They're eating breakfast at the Cafeteria. He purposely sat across from Mario who's completely lost in his phone. So innocent. He has no idea that Robert has figured him out completely. 

He plans on asking him why Mats, once he gets him to admit him. Robert likes to think of himself as a demon ready to get answers he needs. The thought of them is crazy, he figured Mats would end up with Benedikt, from Schalke.

He's about to open his mouth when he hears Bastian start next to him:

"So, Robert..." He mentally curses as he turns his head. "How did you find the party?"

"It was good." Robert falsely smiles. 

"I see, are you okay? You look tired."

Robert nods catching a glimpse of Mario getting up. He's had enough.

He runs to him and takes his phone from him. 

"What the hell?" Mario whines as soon as he reacts. 

Robert doesn't even glance at the device. His sight is set straight at Mario.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going out with Mats?!" 

"What?!"

"Pumpkin pie, I know about him!" 

Mario looks around at the room, to find the entire team blandly staring back at them. He blushes.

"Give me back my phone.." He whispers. 

"So you don't deny it!" 

The entire room gasps. Robert catches Thomas Müller arriving with his meal and sitting down asking Manuel what's going on. Manuel shuts him up immediately and points at them.

Thankfully, Mario grabs Robert and pulls him down the hallway. 

"He's a Dortmund player! Don't you understand it has to be kept quiet? Marco said it'd be better like this, you know, rival clubs. Few people know about it."

Robert looks back at Mario. "Wait, what? Marco?

"Well, yeah."

Robert looks at the phone. The conversation with Pumpkin Pie is on the screen. And he focuses on the profile picture. It's Reus doing a silly face.

"You.. and Marco?" 

"I thought he told you." Mario admits.

"He didn't." 

"Well, when I moved to Bayern we both realised how we felt about each other. But we've done our best to keep it quiet. I guess he's better at it than I am." 

He takes another look at the profile picture, Woj was right. He's been so blind.

"I'll let him know how I feel"

"Wait what?"

Lewy takes the phone and puts in a selfie angle. He snaps a picture from it of an angry face of himself. Mario appears on the corner of the picture trying to stop him.

_Thanks for letting me know about your love life. Turd._

"He'll kill me!" Mario panics. 

 

"I knew it was Marco!" Woj exclaims as he eats a bite of his apple.

Robert sighs. 

"I never thought we'd have a couple here at Bayern... and Dortmund!" He admits. 

Woj nods. "You've become quite the detective." 

"It was you, really." 

"You noticed Mario's behaviour though, we make the best team!"

"I still can't believe Marco managed to hide it from me so well." 

"You are kind of oblivious, you know?"

"Thank you." He replies in a sarcastic tone. 

"Hey, next time, you'll figure it out on your own, fine?"

"I doubt there's more couples I'm not aware of here!" Robert chuckles.

It's hard to keep a relationship based on mostly Skype video-calls, but it's better than nothing, and they always have such a blast when they talk to each other. 

 

 

After training the following weeks, Robert finds himself sitting next to Thomas and Manuel. He's drinking water, training can be very tiring. 

"Ah, did Schweini ditch us already?" Thomas complains.

"Yeah, you know how they work. It's that time of day where his friends don't exist. "

"Distance is hard." 

"I'm really lucky, aren't I"

"Yeah, you are." Thomas sighs. 

Robert's head tilts towards them. Distance?

"Maybe someday they'll be on the same team again." Thomas wishes, and Manuel nods.

"Well, they've managed to keep close after all this time, I guess that's true love."

 

They both get up and run to training, leaving Robert with the same feeling he felt when Mario ignored him.

_Bastian also has a partner?_

**Author's Note:**

> This is a cute idea i thought on the way to my German class (LOL yeah weird)  
> I'll be adding most Bayern ships, so if you have any ship you'd really like Robert to investigate a certain couple.. let me know!  
> ((i'm writing this with bastian in it because i'm in denial))


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